his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
