I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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