Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
