Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
