It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
