he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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