nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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