I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
