Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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