I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im holly from the hills drunk
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
