Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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