she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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