My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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