so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
