My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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