I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
