Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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