He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
