hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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