weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
