Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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