My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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