Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
