i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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