theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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