I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to make a zoo with you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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