I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So much rum. So many feels.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
