Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
