That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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