covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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