I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
two words...techno handjob
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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