I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
