Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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