i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think your dad took our porno
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
