just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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