Me. At least after what I've been through.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
