Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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