I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She bit a glass in half.
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U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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