Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
