You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize