She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
