i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
