I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
