I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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