He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
