I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
