It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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