You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
