I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
