NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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