I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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