fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
