it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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