You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
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So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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