Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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