i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
